(With apologies to Flaubert.)
< ...>: A form of emphasis employed by bloggers who wish to show that they understand HTML. The ellipses are usually replaced by “SARCASM” or “RANT” but anything will serve. Rendered as […][/…] by bloggers who do not understand how to escape characters in HTML.
â„¢: May be appended to anything except an actual trademark.
call your office: A directive not intended to be followed addressed to someone who will never read it.
cool kids: Other people.
crickets chirping: A colorful synonym for “silence.” Often set off in its own paragraph for extra color.
even the: Always succeeded by “liberal,” if you are conservative, or “conservative,” if you are liberal.
fascist: See idiotarian.
heh: The soul of brevity is to use one word where none will do.
idiotarian: A particularly dull-witted commentator, and thus deserving of special attention, who disagrees with you. Thunder against.
indeed: See heh.
meme: Anything that anyone else has ever referred to on the Internet.
read the whole thing: Always preceded by “As they say,” or “To coin a phrase.”
shocked: Always succeeded by (shocked!).
the “Q” word: Quixotic.